Dan and Rachel, parents of two boys, ages 8 and 10, say their sons are often in battle, which sometimes escalates to tears and physical violence. While sibling rivalry is a natural occurrence, Dr. Shefali Tsabary says, parents must ask themselves what battles they are facing in their own lives before addressing their children’s actions.

For years, Rachel says she’s been battling breast cancer and is now working to redefine herself as a woman. “[I’m] living with the fear, ‘Am I going to be here in a year?'” she says. “[And] trying to raise two ‘normal’ children who have seen their mother go through chemo, and is now here today, five years later feeling great.”

Dr. Shefali says Rachel’s sons’ arguments trigger her own desire for control. “It’s hard for parents to sit on the sidelines,” she says. Watch as she shares advice on how to “decharge” a situation at home.

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