In this video, learn about when children trigger a parent’s own insecurities from Shefali Tsabary, PhD.
As parents we have such a hard time accepting who our children are, we don’t realize that we enter that we enter this parenting journey with such a high level of egoicnosycism. We think we are entering this journey to raise the child spirit, but once we enter and if we are really honest, we’ll see that we really enter it so that we feel better about ourselves, so we feel good about ourselves, that we can meet some unmet need, fulfill some unmet fantasy of ourselves. When the parent, for example the other day, this father came to me because his son is not the sporty typical masculine sporty boy and the father was afraid that he was too feminine, too weak and of course, the father was going by stereotypes but what was really being triggered within the father was his own sense of emasculation, of lack, of weakness and that boy, that son was touching upon that. Now the father was just lucky that with his own life, he pushed through his weakness, pushed through his femininity reached to the other side of masculinity, he felt like he has conquered his weakness; but to watch his son be at that stage which he precedes as weakness. The son is absolutely fine, divine, but because the father is being triggered from his own past, it’s unbearable for him to watch his son; because he is projecting that his son is going to face criticism and ridicule and won’t be accepted as a man in a normal society, so the father is constantly putting the son down. Who’s doing a greater damage down here? Not the society, not culture, but the father, out of love, is actually creating the problem by not accepting who the child is in their inherent being.