See Shefali Tsabary, PhD’s video and explanation of the myth of unconditional love.
One of the greatest myths of parenting that is rarely talked about and I guess it triggers a lot of reaction from parents is this myth that we unconditionally love our children. I wish this were the case but I think it’s a eutopic fantasy because the hard reality is that our love is full of condition. When our children failed to meet our standard or expectation or go contrary to our norm, for perfection or just simple conformity, then our love flies out the window and it takes a lot for a parent to realize that their love comes with condition. Actually , we do our children paradoxically a great favor, a great service when we do become aware of our conditions; because when we do, we can own up to it, we can become aware of it, embrace our limitation and have an honest dialog with our child. You know I just can’t accept this or this is really hard for me and this is why. Not because you are necessarily inadequate or you are bad, or you are lesser than, its because I have a limitation, I am conditioned by my conditionality so help me.