Learn about control versus space when teens are acting out from Shefali Tsabary, PhD.


Teenage herd is a male strum of conflict and no one better than our teenagers than to really defy us on every issue. Teenagers commonly, problems that parents face, they take drugs or they party too much or they date the wrong boy, so parent often wonder how do we discipline them in this moments; and my approach, the spiritual approach, the conscious approach is to first resist the desire to create control, because it is that desire which will perpetuate the problem. The first thing we need to do when we’re being conscious parent and our teenager is really being outlandish and breaking all rules is to back away from the problem, step away and in fact do what’s countering tutor which is to create space, to ease into a sense of abundance because we often rush into the sense of lack, my kid is going to be a drug addict, he’s going to be in jail, she’s going to get pregnant, we need to step away because these are all our anxieties that are being triggered and this is the heightened time, the developmental age when parents really enter this heightened state of constant anxiety because teenagers live on the edge, they’re testing themselves, they’re understanding who they are becoming, they don’t yet have an identity. This is the age they are going to experiment and go all the way to the edge. The capacity that we have as conscious parents, to hold them within a space of trust, acceptance, nurturance and abundance, we have to come into an abundance based model, which says I trust you, I know that I’ve parented you well, you’re going to find your way and if you are finding the way, it’s not because u need more control but you need more understanding.

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